Begin With a Plan
Having a Master Battle Plan for your divorce is almost guaranteed to keep you focused and organized. Once you develop your plan, refer to it during the different phases of your divorce. If possible, view your divorce as the separation of a business partnership.
Before Filing for Divorce
This is the time when you and your spouse are discussing the possibility of divorce. You may be in counseling to save your marriage. It’s also the time to start your financial planning for a possible divorce.
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Gather historical financial documents such as tax returns, bank records, purchase and sale records, etc.
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Find a good divorce lawyer. Use our checklist which will help you in the interviewing process.
Divorce Filed and Pending
Once you or your spouse have made the decision to go ahead, certain events occur whether you want them to or not.
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Make plans and set goals for your finances post-divorce. Be realistic.
After the Divorce
Your legal divorce is over. Now you enter wrap up phase your financial and emotional divorce. Keep good records. Plan for your future. Consider getting a therapist to help you work through the emotions of divorce.
Questions to Ask Lawyers
You will need to prepare a list of questions to ask a divorce lawyer before you meet for an initial consultation. Otherwise you will leave the interview unsure if they are a good divorce lawyer, or better or worse than other lawyers.
The following list of questions will help you determine whether the divorce lawyer is a good divorce lawyer, a good lawyer for your case, and a lawyer you can afford.
Lawyers often charge initial consultation fees so you will want to gather as much information as possible. Ask the same set of questions at each interview – it will be easier to compare divorce lawyers – and take notes, don’t trust your memory. Write the answers down.
For more advice, download our free checklist “How to Hire a Domestic Relations Attorney” to help you hire the right divorce lawyer or family law attorney for your situation.
Questions about the lawyer’s experience and expertise
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What percentage of your cases are Family Law and Divorce cases?
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How many years have you been practicing in this county?
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Do you have courtroom experience?
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How many of your cases went to trial last year?
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Do you have any additional experience that may be useful in my case?
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What additional expertise do you provide? (i.e. accountants)
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What other experts do you regularly work with? (i.e. accountants, therapists)
Questions about the lawyer’s philosophy/management style
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What is your preferred strategy or “philosophy” for handling a divorce case?
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Do you recommend mediation to your clients, and if so, in what circumstances?
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Overall, what percentage of your cases go to trial and in what circumstances?
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Do you encourage or discourage direct contact between spouses?
Questions to ask about case management and contact
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Do you have time for my divorce case, or a heavy caseload at this time?
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How long do you think my divorce will take?
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Besides you, who else will work on my case? (i.e. paralegals, other lawyers)
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Will you be the person responsible for negotiating my divorce case?
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Who will I meet and talk with most often during my divorce proceeding?
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Will I be able to contact you directly?
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How will I be able to contact you – by e-mail/phone/fax?
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Do you have a policy regarding how soon client calls are returned?
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Will I receive copies of all legal documents and correspondence?
Questions to ask about fees and expenses
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Do you work on a retainer and, if so, how much is it?
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What are your fees per hour?
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How are your hourly fees charged? (i.e. by the minute or in blocks of time?)
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What other professionals need to be paid? (i.e. appraisers, investigators)
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What office expenses will I be charged for? (i.e. faxes, photocopying, etc.)
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Are there any other fees or expenses that I need to know about?
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How do you believe your firm offers better value to clients?
Discussing the Decision With Your Spouse
If getting divorced isn’t a mutual decision, how the two of you discuss the decision can have a big impact on whether the divorce will be amicable or contentious.
Most couples in troubled marriages try just about everything to resolve their problems but, at some point, it may become obvious to one or both of them that things are simply not going to work out and that the time has come to call it quits. Hopefully, if only one spouse reaches this conclusion, that spouse can sit down with the other spouse and explain his or her decision. Ideally, if you’re the one who’s made the decision to divorce, you should have this conversation with your spouse before you file for divorce and your spouse is served with the paperwork.
Your spouse should learn about your divorce plans from you first, not through the rumor mill. Getting the news from anyone other than you is a cruel way for your spouse to find out that his or her marriage is ending and is a sure way to make for a bitter and problematic divorce. You owe your spouse a face-to-face conversation about your plans out of respect for him or her and the relationship that, at one time, you both enjoyed.
Try some of these suggestions:
If your spouse is the one who initiates the divorce, it’s no surprise that entire concept can send you into an emotional tailspin of shock and disbelief. As time goes on, you will likely vacillate between feelings of anger and sadness, or anger and depression.
The sooner you face the facts and move forward, the better off you’ll be. Although feeling sorry for yourself is an understandable response to learning that your marriage is ending, painting yourself as a victim and wallowing in self-pity aren’t healthy responses to your situation, especially if there are children involved.
As you work through your emotions, try to avoid angry recriminations and don’t insult your spouse. Best advice: consider seeking the help of a therapist – especially since it’s probably covered by your health insurance!
Should I Move Out?
As lawyers, your question to us may be, “Can I stay in the house?” The family home represents a large financial and emotional investment, is a symbol of stability in your life and your children’s lives, and is essential to maintaining your current lifestyle. Before answering the question, you should contact us for a no-obligation consultation to better understand the unique aspects of your situation. During the initial interview, your attorney will likely ask you questions and discuss these issues:
Q: Can you move out and still get custody of your children?
A: You may need to move out of your home for your job, to avoid violence, or for another reason. Our lawyers will help you plan your move in a way that does not reduce your parental rights to custody.
Q: Can you afford the expense of maintaining the house?
A: As soon as you know you will be filing for divorce, our attorneys will help you obtain temporary orders to provide you with child and spousal support to take care of your family until the divorce is final. We will provide aggressive representation during negotiations regarding mortgage payments based on your financial circumstances.
Q: Will the court order you – or your spouse – to move out?
A: There’s always the likelihood that a Motion to Vacate the Marital Home could be filed with the court. Here, one party is asking that the opposing party vacate the marital home. The statute is clear in terms of the standard of proof that the requesting party needs for the order: “the health, safety or welfare of the moving party or any minor children residing with the parties must be substantially impaired by a failure for the judge to enter such an order.”
Some judges have reached the conclusion that this motion is a very serious matter; others simply inquire whether the marriage is over and are inclined to grant relief with little or no evidence presented.
If you are contemplating divorce or are currently involved in the process, undoubtedly you fear failure and the unknown. You are not alone. If you don’t know where to start or what to do, contact us.
Throughout Western Massachusetts, our divorce lawyers and family law attorneys zealously represent clients in Hampden, Hampton, Franklin and Berkshire counties.
If you anticipate a court appearance in Springfield, Northampton, Greenfield or Pittsfield, call (800) 910-DIVORCE or contact us for a no-obligation consultation.
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