Tips for Children of Massachusetts Divorce
How your children adjust to divorce is directly related to how their parents adjust to the divorce. Children also react differently based on the amount of support they get from their parents and the level of tension there is at home.
Child Ages and Stages of Divorce
The child custody attorneys at The Massachusetts Family Law Group know how, at different ages, children react differently, but general themes exist:
- Typically, a child's only wish early on is for parents to reunite. They may attempt to accomplish this task on their own.
- Initially, children wish that their parents were still together, but later accept divorce as the right decision. They recognize that they are happier and healthier in a tension-free environment.
- Older children are often disturbed by not being able to be with both parents on a daily basis. They often are dissatisfied with shared custody or visitation schedules, and try to exert their own control and decision making.
- The adjustment process for children is stressful and takes time. It is typical for children to experience distress for one to two years following the divorce.
Helping Children Manage Divorce and School
Performance at school may be affected when the parents of children divorce. However, when the situation is dealt with proactively, children can continue to succeed and are less likely to develop other problems.
Ask Teachers and School Counselors for Extra Help
Schools can play an important role in helping children make a positive adjustment to their parents' divorce and family transition. By working together, families and schools can form a network of support that promotes healthy child development.
Prior to divorce, only one parent typically manages most of the communication with child care providers, teachers and coaches. However, after the divorce, both parents should have equal access to health and school records unless there is legal documentation, such as a sole custody order or protective order, ordering otherwise.
Parent-teacher conference schedules may offer opportunities for divorced parents to have separate conferences. Some divorced parents may be able to attend conferences together, but if there is hostility between parents, it is probably better for them to attend separately.
If possible, ask that both parents receive notes at home, unless a court order limits one of the parents' access. Also, some teachers provide homework calendars or weekly packets of information that both parents can pick up. This is more reliable than expecting the child to get the information to both parents.
Is Your Child Ready for a Cell Phone?
Following divorce, along with the hectic schedules of co-parents learning to juggle school pick up and drop off, many think life would be easier if their children had cell phones but wonder what age children should be before bringing technology into their lives.
Mediamark Research & Intelligence's breakdown of cell phone ownership by ages shows:
- Ages 6-7, 6.5 percent in 2009, an increase from 4.9 percent in 2005
- Ages 8-9, 17.7 percent in 2009, 10.6 percent in 2005
- Ages 10-11, 36.1 percent in 2009 and 20 percent in 2005
Family counselors and therapists suggest that the decision to get your child a cell phone is family specific. In recent years, the question has evolved from whether or not to get a cell phone to at what age the child should get the phone.
Advising Clients on How to Co-Parent During Divorce
Sometimes it can be beneficial to look at things through the eyes of a child. This helps give the parent some insight and perspective on how the child is adjusting to, and transitioning through, the changes in his or her life.
Questions About Helping Children Adjust to Divorce? Our Attorneys Have Answers.
For a free, no-obligation consultation, call (800) 941-DIVORCE or contact us online to schedule an appointment at any of our local offices.
Learn more about helping your children deal with divorce by reading our articles or reviewing our FAQ section.
