If there was ever a list of “must-do” advice and strategies for your divorce, this is it! Be aware that your lawyer may tell you otherwise, and your facts might dictate a different approach, but this is the list we execute time and time again:

1.  Do not trust your spouse with any information about the marital finances. Divorce can get ugly, especially when a significant amount of marital property is at stake, so be sure to do your own homework. This may include questioning account statements. Check with the banking institutions for verification.

2.  Hire the best lawyer you can afford. Your lawyer is the captain of your legal team. The more knowledge and experience you can have on your side the better.  Even if you live in one of Massachusetts’ smaller towns or cities, there’s a good attorney from The Massachusetts Family Law Group nearby.

3.  Accumulate as much cash reserve as possible before asking or filing for divorce.  A comfortable figure is probably $5,000 for a lawyer and additional funds for your living expenses.

4.  Do your best to keep your intention to divorce a secret. You would be surprised how many times a spouse will confide in a friend or relative that will clue the other spouse about what is going to happen. Friends or relatives feel as though they have to save your marriage, almost as if you have confided in them about your intentions for divorce was a last cry for help.

5.  Your spouse’s tax returns are probably the most valuable piece of financial information you will need, especially if they are the major bread winner of the relationship. Make sure you have a copy of this document and preferably the last three years if possible, prior to asking or filing for divorce.

6.  Even if you think your divorce will end-up being uncontested, do not underestimate your spouse’s potential to make things difficult. What starts out as amicable may easily end-up in the courtroom with one of the more than 50 Massachusetts Probate and Family Court judges.

7.  Filing for the divorce may seem like a bad thing, but as far as legal strategy it can be the best decision you will ever make. With proper reasoning, the judge will accept even more that things were not right and that you deserve to get out of the marriage. This is especially important when it comes to wanting custody of the children.  If you file for custody first, the court may think you want it more.

8.  The more you and your spouse save on legal fees the more you will be awarded when the divorce is finalized. If you have $50,000 in marital assets and you spend $20,000 on legal fees, you only have $30,000 to divide.

9.  Never say anything to anybody about the divorce that you would not want to come up in the courtroom (except for your lawyer). For example, “I’d stay with him if only he would apologize.” This type of statement could be very damaging in the courtroom, especially when you are claiming that the marriage cannot be fixed.

10.  Any divorce plans should be kept in a very secure environment. You may not even know the other side has your plans until it is too late.

11.  Set goals for yourself and the divorce. Keep them in the forefront of all decision-making, because when negotiations begin, it is very easy to get sidetracked or convinced to change your direction.

12.  Once you begin your divorce, you must be firm and committed to your goals. Emotions, finances and time will all become a major factor, but do your best to take charge and finish with your best effort.

The Massachusetts Family Law Group is a statewide network of divorce law offices and family law attorneys dedicated to defending the legal rights of men and women relating to their domestic relations matter. 

Each of our six offices across Massachusetts offers no-obligation consultations starting at 5am during the week and all weekend long. 

Call (800) 910-DIVORCE or contact us for an appointment in Springfield, Worcester, Norwood, Andover, Plymouth or on Cape Cod.